Menu
Home Self-Paced Courses & Webinars Free Resources Printable & Downloadable Materials Marketplace Trainings & Consultations Therapy at our IL Clinic FAQ Find a local SLP/SLT Course Log-In

What to Do When Your Autistic Child Doesn’t Want to Play With You (or Others)

Jul 02, 2025

Play is often seen as a cornerstone of childhood but what happens when your autistic child doesn’t want to play with you, with others, or with toys? It can leave parents and professionals feeling confused but the truth is: there’s always a reason, and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong.

Let’s break down why this might be happening and what we can do to support more meaningful, affirming interactions.

Reasons Your Child Might Not Be Interested in Playing with you (or others):

  • Monotropism (we’ll explain more below!)

  • Not developmentally ready (this has nothing to do with chronological age)

  • Not interested in the type of play you or others are offering

  • Prefers parallel play over interactive play

  • Enjoys solo play... and that’s okay!

  • Prefers sensory or object play instead of toys

  • Engaging with others is stressful (sensory overload, dysregulation, social fatigue)

What Is Monotropism?

Monotropism is a theory of autism developed by autistic people, Dr. Dinah Murray, Dr. Wenn Lawson and Mike Lesser in 2005. Murray & Lawson theorize that monotropic minds tend strngly towards a smaller number of interests at any given time, leaving fewer resources for other processes. Therefore, if a child is highly engaged in their specific interest, it can take a lot of energy to switch channels of attention to different tasks/activities. 

So if a child seems “stuck” on one activity and isn’t joining in your play ideas, they’re likely not being rigid or difficult they’re simply protecting their focus and nervous system.

Rethinking Our Goals Around Play

You've probably heard the phrase, “All play is okay." We say it often here at Meaningful Speech. That’s because for too long, we’ve tried to "fix" autistic play to make it look more neurotypical. This often stems from a medical model of disability, which can lead to stress, dysregulation, and even trauma for autistic individuals.

The truth? Play doesn’t have to look a certain way. Your child doesn’t need to engage in pretend play, group games, or toy sets to be learning, growing, and connecting. Our job is not to direct or correct but to support whatever play style feels safe and joyful to them.

What You Can Do Instead

  • Meet them where they’re at. Let go of expectations about “how” they should play.

  • Avoid forcing or prompting play. Play should be joyful and self-directed.

  • Offer new items as suggestions, not requirements. Try bringing 2–3 familiar items and 1–2 new ones connected to their interests. Let the child take the lead.

  • Minimize clutter. Too many toys or materials can cause visual and sensory overwhelm.

  • Respect their readiness. Some kids aren’t ready for traditional “toy play.” Sensory-motor play, people play, or parallel play may be more appropriate starting points.

  • Be thoughtful about playgroups. Many social skills groups push neurotypical interaction styles that can be stressful for autistic kids. Instead, look for affirming environments with shared interests and safe, predictable routines.

Want to dive deeper into child-led therapy, gestalt language development and neurodiversity-affirming practices?

There are so many ways to keep learning and growing as a parent or professional:

Take me to Meaningfulspeech.com

Categories

All Categories assessment augmentative and alternative communication (aac) child-led therapy compliance based therapy & glp comprehension consultations early intervention finding a provider free resources gestalt cognitive processing goal writing indentifying glps media & gestalt language processing play private practice receptive language single word gestalts single words stage 1 stage 1 vs stage 3 teletherapy